Among the Ashes Chapter 26

Among the Ashes

Memories consume
Like opening the wound
I’m picking me apart again

I don’t want to be the one
The battles always choose
‘Cause inside I realize
That I’m the one confused

I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I had no options left again

I’ll paint it on the walls
‘Cause I’m the one that falls
I’ll never fight again
And this is how it ends

I don’t know what’s worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
To show you what I mean
I don’t know how I got this way
I’ll never be all right
So I’m
Breaking the habit
Tonight
~Linkin Park ”Breaking the Habit”

Chapter 26
On the Edge



Marth barely noticed as he wandered back over the border of camp, returning hours after he had left for what he had planned to be a short walk. He tried not to admit the real reason his simple stroll had extended into an hours-long extensive search of the woods, but he knew he had no other explanation.

A girl, all alone in the woods, sitting in a tree, watching him.

He felt a little crazy just thinking about it.

At first, he tried to explain away what he had seen as a trick of the light, or even the strange after-effects of his concussed head. But he had given up trying to pass it off as a figment of his imagination. He knew what he had seen, but he still couldn’t explain it.

At least she didn’t have a fairy with her this time.

As though that proved he had not lost his sanity.

He had been working it out in his mind for hours, knowing there must be some sort of logical explanation. These woods obviously held a strong magical presence. Monsters protecting holes in the ground, ancient caverns, fountains filled with fairies - violent fairies, at that.

Finding a strange girl in a tree who could vanish into thin air seemed downright reasonable after all that.

Even so, she left him baffled. Each explanation felt more absurd and far-fetched than the last, and none could satisfy.

He carefully pieced together the information he did have. He had now seen her twice, though he had yet to get a very clear look at her. Both times the sun had shone in his eyes, obscuring his vision. But he had a few details etched clearly into his mind.

She was small, and almost inhumanly delicate. Her features were petite as well, almost like a child’s, except her eyes. Dark-rimmed and captivating, he could still see them looking back at him, opening up a strange mystery before him. And her smile…

Only one fact remained certain in his mind: she could not be human. He hesitated to even assume that the word mortal could apply to a being fitting her description.

Then what is she?

“What took you so long?”

Marth looked up with a start, surprised to find himself already back at camp. Ciara sat, lounging at the edge of the trees, looking at him with a curious expression.

“Me?” Marth asked.

“Yes, you,” she replied with a hint of a smile. “Elice said you went for a walk, but that was hours ago.”

“I was just taking in the morning air.” He shrugged it off.

“It’s afternoon,” she pointed out.

Marth blinked and looked up at the sky. “Oh,” he said with realization. “So it is.”

“Are you all right?” Ciara furrowed her brow, though she continued to smile mischievously. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost or something.”

“No,” Marth said thoughtfully, looking right past her. “Not a ghost…”

He trailed off and absentmindedly looked over the campsite. Zelda sat alone in the distance, keeping her silent vigil at the edge of the trees. No sign of anyone else.

“Where are Roy and Elice?” Marth asked, already feeling his stomach tighten.

“Take a wild guess,” Ciara said wryly.

Marth sighed darkly, staring at their tent. Even as he drew near he could hear them – again.

“Elice,” he called loudly. “I’m back, and I want to talk to you.”

Without waiting for a reply, he threw open the flap and ducked inside. Marth could see Elice scrambling to help Roy sit up even as he entered.

“Hi, Marth,” Elice said, glancing up awkwardly. She stopped to catch her breath and tuck her hair behind her ear. “Back so soon?”

“I’ve been gone for hours,” Marth replied tersely.

Elice’s face fell. “Oh.” She glanced away and continued fumbling senselessly with Roy’s bandages.

“Time flies when you’re having fun, I guess,” Roy laughed nervously.

Marth glared down at them, and Elice jabbed Roy in the side, making him yelp.

“What are you doing, Elice?” Marth asked.

“We’re just – ” Elice hesitated, and Roy shifted uncomfortably. “I’m just replacing these old wrappings.” She smiled up at her brother fleetingly.

“I see.” Marth stood over them, watching them closely as Elice began unwrapping Roy’s bandages.

“What do you want, Marth?” Elice asked with an edge in her voice, but she didn’t look up from her task.

“I was just wondering,” Marth carefully lowered his voice to sound calmer, “if you know what Great Fairies look like.”

Elice raised her eyebrows. “Great Fairies?”

“Yes. What do they look like?”

Elice brushed her hand across her forehead then looked up, bewildered. ”That’s why you came in here? To ask me what Great Fairies look like?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t know, Marth.” Elice shrugged with irritation. “Why?”

“Just curious.” Marth glanced away.

“You’re just… randomly curious about Great Fairies?” Elice questioned.

“It’s an interesting topic,” Marth replied, attempting to remain casual.

“I’m sure it is,” Elice agreed stiffly, “but we’re a little busy right now. If you don’t want to tell us what this is really about, then why don’t you go and let me work on Roy’s chest?”

“No,” Marth protested. “It’s just that, well,” he hesitated, and drew his shoulders up. “I saw something strange out in the woods.” He tried not to sound as ridiculous as he felt.

“And you think it was a Great Fairy?” Roy scoffed.

“Well, I’m not sure. That’s why I’m asking.”

“Did you hit your head again?” Elice asked warily.

“No.” Marth scowled as Roy rolled with laughter. “I’m not saying she is a Great Fairy.”

“She?” Roy perked up. “You saw a girl?”

“Well… yes, she was a girl, but – ”

“Was she cute?” Roy smiled.

“She - that’s entirely beside the point.”

“So, she is cute!” Roy exclaimed enthusiastically.

“It doesn’t matter if she was cute. I don’t even think she’s human.”

“Why?” Roy pressed.

“Well, she had a fairy with her. That is, the first time I saw her. She didn’t this morning.”

“Oh, so you’ve seen her more than once,” Roy grinned slyly again. “Are you going to see her again?”

“Roy.” Marth looked up at the ceiling and pushed his hair back. “I don’t even know what I saw so – ”

“Maybe it was a Kokiri,” Roy offered.

“I don’t think so,” Marth explained. “She definitely wasn’t small enough to be a Kokiri. And, I couldn’t be sure by the light she was in, but I’m fairly sure her hair is too dark, too. And, seriously, Roy,” Marth rambled on, “how much sense would it make to think I found a Kokiri all the way out here in – what?”

Elice had given up on Roy’s bandages, and sat staring at Marth as though he had lost his mind.

“I know this sounds odd,” Marth rushed on. “But I really saw someone.”

“A Great Fairy?” Roy smirked.

“No, I’m beginning to think she was more of a … sprite, or something like that.”

Roy and Elice exchanged a skeptical glance.

“Marth, really,” Roy said facetiously. “Did you hit your head again?”

“No! I – ”

“No, he didn’t.” Elice glowered. “Ha ha. Very funny, Marth.”

“Did I make a joke?” Marth asked peevishly.

“Well, you are being pretty hilarious,” Roy laughed.

“Oh, yes,” Elice scathed. “He’s absolutely riotous.”

She turned and gathered up Marth’s bedroll.

“Elice,” he demanded. “What are you – ”

She stood up and thrust the bundle into his arms.

“You know, it’s very cramped in here and you’re obviously feeling better.” Elice replied with false cheer. “I think you’re well enough to move back into your own tent.”

“Well enough?” Marth protested. “What about my hand?” He extended his swollen, bandaged hand for her to see.

“I’ll still help you with your hand,” Elice assured him. “But Roy’s still recovering, and he needs my full attention.”

“Oh, no he doesn’t!” Marth roared.

“Look, do you ever want to leave this place, or not?” Elice shot back.

“Well, where am I supposed to sleep?” Marth demanded. “We’re out of tents!”

“I’m sure you could always ask Ciara if she wants to share,” Roy suggested.

Marth went red all the way to the tips of his ears. He opened his mouth, but couldn’t manage to find his voice.

Roy shook with laughter as Marth stomped outside and unceremoniously dumped his bedroll into the dirt. The flap swung shut, then the entire tent gave a shudder.

Still steaming, Marth grabbed hold of the tent flap. He momentarily considered just ripping the whole thing off but, he took a deep breath and forced himself to think rationally.

Roy’s smile vanished as Marth threw the tent flap open and tied it back, letting the sunlight pour in.

“There.” Marth stood in the now wide open entrance of the tent, looking at what he had done with satisfaction.

“What are you doing?” Elice demanded.

“You’re right, Elice. Roy does need to recover quickly. It’s not good for him to be cooped up in the dark for so long. The open air will do him good.”

Roy’s wide eyes darted from Marth to Elice, watching her eyes narrow.

“Enjoy yourselves.” Marth forced a smile, picked up his bedroll and walked away.

Roy and Elice stared through the opening in silence, waiting to be certain that Marth had gone.

“Think we can close it again?” Roy asked tentatively.

“I doubt he’d let us get away with that now.” Elice looked to Roy with a sigh.

They sat quietly for a moment as Elice’s face steadily darkened.

“Who does he think he is?” she growled quietly.

“Well, he’s your brother,” Roy replied. “And, technically, I guess he’s in charge of me, since he’s the Prince. And he’s tall. Really, really tall,” he added.

Elice simply scowled after her brother and went back to unwrapping Roy’s chest.

“I guess I really should do another healing session on you,” she said, and she helped Roy recline.

“How soon before I can walk?” he grunted as she set to work on his chest.

“If you’re up to it, we can try tomorrow,” Elice replied as she rubbed a salve into his skin.

“Might as well,” Roy sighed. “I have a feeling it’s not going to be as much fun in the tent anymore.”







*****





Zelda.

Link looked to her, but she met his eyes with fear.

Zelda….

He reached out his hand, and she backed away.

You’re afraid of me…

Link took a step closer.

Zelda trembled before him with a desperate plea. Don’t hurt me.

“Zelda!” Link lurched awake with his wife’s name rolling off of his lips.

His eyes flashed open, taking in his strange surroundings. The craggy cliffs of the mountainside rose up beside him, and he lay under a thin blanket of trees. He could barely remember how he had gotten here, wherever here was. He only remembered running, for hours, maybe days, he couldn’t be sure. Even when he reached the cliff side, he turned and kept on going until his knees collapsed beneath him. Then he retreated into the darkness of sleep.

But he couldn’t escape her, and he couldn’t hide from himself.

Link shifted uncomfortably on the rocky ground, knowing he would get no more rest. The nightmares that plagued him through the night continued to haunt his waking thoughts. One glance down at himself, and the horror of two nights’ previous came washing back over him.

Still bloody, still bleeding. Still a monster.

I always have been.

Link got to his feet and started walking. Anything to move, to get away. Because he knew he couldn’t go back. By now, he had nothing to go back to.

Just like always. I’ve done it again. Everything I touch…

He looked down at his hands, but quickly hid them away.

The mountainside vanished behind a curtain of trees. Link weaved through the gnarled trunks, moving deeper and deeper into the wild. Tangled branches hung down, clutching at him and snaring his clothes. He jerked away, and fought his way forward through the ever-thickening trees.

He’d once felt at home in the forest, and safe. But that, too, had ended. There was no life in these trees, no comfort to be felt. He was a stranger here. A stranger everywhere. Cast out again.

Everything good in his life, he found a way of ruining. Everything pure he found a way of corrupting. Everything beautiful, he found a way of breaking.

Like a senseless storm, he left a path of destruction in his wake wherever he went.

Zelda, Roy, Elice, Ciara. Link pushed his way through the thick brush as sickness sank into the pit of his stomach. Marth...

My child.

His baby was truly gone from him now. Even more than when he thought they had lost him.

I’m the one who’s lost.

Lost in the trees with no destination and no way out. If he kept walking, he could stay that way. Just disappear.

Maybe it’s better this way. They’re better off without me.

Even my own son.

In one sweeping blow, Link had destroyed everything that meant anything in the world to him. His friends, his wife, his child.

If he had hurt only himself - but he hadn’t. The ones he loved always paid the price for his mistakes, and his weakness.

Zelda would never forgive him now. She never should.

She would find a way to move on, to the life she deserved.

Link moved onwards, deeper into the bowels of the forest. Even the sun could not penetrate the thick canopy of leaves. The shadows darkened all around him.

I never should have taken her in the first place. It was selfish, and wrong. If I loved her at all, I never would have done this to her. I would have left her alone. I would have let her stay with him.

He didn’t have to worry about that now. The others would take care of her. And Marth…

This time, he truly had nothing to go back to. And no reason to go on.

Everything he’d ever done had been for her. Now he had to save her from himself.

But without her –

Link stumbled, unable to place one foot in front of the other.

There’s nothing. No meaning to anything.

Any good he’d ever done, any worth he’d ever gained had all been in her name. Saving the world, protecting, fighting.

I can still fight.

I can still die.

Link pulled out his bow and thumbed through his quiver of arrows.

Walk the line of death one last time. Do something.

Be a hero again.

Carefully, he ran his hand over his bow, then placed it on the ground. He slung the quiver from his shoulders, and dropped it as well. One by one, he emptied every pocket, setting their contents on the ground beside him. He had no sword to dispose of. He had already left that much behind. Somewhere inside, he had known he wouldn’t need it anymore.

Link’s hand searched his pocket, and withdrew his ocarina. He hesitated a moment, deliberating.

Her ocarina.

It was hers, it didn’t belong with him. Part of him wanted to drop it and never see it again.

But it was hers.

He slipped it back into his pocket.

Weaponless, he started forward again, searching the forest. Finding a fight had never been a problem before. Death was always lurking right around the corner, searching for him.

Now, he would find it.

Something powerful, something big, so he could go down with a fight, the way he always knew he would. He pushed his way through the trees, looking for something – anything. Some way out.

Mile after mile, he stumbled onward, but the path lay empty before him. As his search grew more desperate, he broke into a run. The forest blurred past his eyes. He stopped now and then, searching behind every rock, pushing through the thickest brush, searching for lairs, hidden in the mountainside.

Hours passed, and he found nothing to pit his strength against. Man against monster, with his bare hands. He had fought so many times before. He only wanted one more chance.

More than once he thought he could hear the distant growl of some fanged beast, lying in wait, ready to rip him apart. He found nothing, but he could hear still it - a vicious snarling, growing louder and more violent with every step.

He barely noticed the sound rising from his own chest, rumbling in his throat as he tore through the trees.

The sun sank in the sky, and his anger mounted with every step. He tripped over a fallen log, and clenched his fists in the dirt. Link raised his head, his eyes narrowed with rage, shaking over every inch of his body.

He staggered to his feet, and growled into the distance. A long, low sound he couldn’t silence.

It didn’t make any sense! He’d never had to try before. There had to be something. Anything. Something that could stop him, once and for all.

“I’m right here!” Link shouted, and his voice echoed through the silence. “Come for me! Fight me, I won’t stop you!”

His head jerked to the side, and he pivoted, scanning the distant path.

“Just end this!” he screamed. “Just do it! Come for me!”

The growl in his chest boiled over.

“Kill me – now!”

He bent down and picked up a rock. With a savage roar he hurtled it through the air, smashing it into the trunk of a tree. Bits of bark and shards of rock exploded into the air. The tree shook from its roots to the tips of its branches. The rumbling shatter of the rock reverberated through the sky, and a flock of startled birds took flight, scattering from the noise.

Link glowered up at them as they flew away, leaving him alone.

“Stop me,” he grunted. His chest heaved for breath, panting like a wild animal.

He tried to move forward but he stumbled, and fell. Crawling to the base of a tree, he sat, still gasping for breath.

He wouldn’t find anything now. One last failure before the end.

The sky darkened around him, and Link lost all hope.

“Stop me,” he begged, and he lowered his face into his hands. “Please…”

A hero with no one to save.

A warrior with no one to fight.

No honor, no glory – not even in death.

Link rose, and he let his feet carry him onward, vaguely aware of his destination. As the last light faded into night he came upon it, a great black mound in the midst of the trees. His last conquest. His final act of bravery.

The corpse of the wolfos lay before him, already decaying. The rotting flesh was slowly vanishing into the forest floor. Link stared into the dead, foggy eyes of the beast as they lay half-shut, gazing up at him in a frozen state of agony. The wide, maggot-filled slit along its throat gaped up at him, encrusted with blood. He’d never seen anything so horrific, or sad.

If no one saw it, no one would remember what he had done. He didn’t want them to see.

Once it was gone, they would all forget.

Link crouched beside the rotting beast, and hoisted it onto his shoulders. Its weight sank down over him, crushing him to the ground. Massive paws dangled over his shoulders, nearly dragging in the dirt. Its head lolled lifelessly beside his own, swaying with each heavy-laden step he took.

The moon rose above him as Link carried his burden through the forest. Step by step, he closed in on the cliff side.

I have to get rid of it. I can’t let them see….

They already know. But maybe when I’m gone they can forget what I’ve done. And I won’t hurt them anymore.

But I’ve done so much damage. How can they ever forget?

Elice…

It still brought a flash of pain to remember the way she’d looked at him. Ready to release her arrow, and end him then.

Link cringed beneath the wolfos, stumbling over the uneven ground. The carcass slipped from his shoulders and he fell to his knees, fighting to keep it steady. He shifted it on his back, stood up, and continued forward.

She should have killed me then. It would have been easier. Ashamed of his own cowardice, Link leaned over his knees and fought to catch his breath.

He had hurt Elice a long time ago. In all those years, he had never apologized for running away from her, and abandoning them all. Even so, she had been willing to forgive him, and give him another chance.

Link heaved the wolfos back onto his shoulders and trudged onwards. The weight of the creature seemed to press down on him, more heavily than before. The foul stench rising from its skin grew more pungent with every step. It choked off Link’s breath, making him sick.

Elice was always willing to forgive me. Even for what I did to Roy.

The last friend I had left. And I ruined it, again.

Just like with Roy.

One of the best friends he’d ever had, and he was willing to throw it away. He had pushed him away at every opportunity.

He had even taken pleasure in it.

Link’s heart clenched within him.

Every time I cut him down, I hoped it would hurt him – they way they hurt me. We used to be friends. Roy was right to put Marth before me. What did I leave him to be loyal to when I left? I promised to stay and help them, but I didn’t.

Roy tried so many times, but it’s too late now. It’s just too late.

With every passing step the rotting beast seemed to grow around him. The miles stretched on, and the beast lay against him, smothering him.

The brush thickened, entangling with the trunks of the trees. His shoulders sank beneath the crushing weight and he struggled just to keep his feet. Unable to go on, he dropped the carcass to the ground, and dragged it over a fallen log.

Panting with exhaustion, he leaned against a tree, gathering the strength to go on. Slowly, he lifted his eyes and stared at the gruesome remains. Its misty eyes stared back at him, mocking him, even in death.

Even this creature had gone out with a struggle, fighting for its life. Link would have no final battle. Not even the honor of defeat. He was simply giving up. The ultimate cowardice.

I have to get rid of it.

Link forced himself to his feet, and lifted the creature once more. His knees nearly buckled, and he staggered slightly, trying to keep his balance.

I have to destroy it.

But even as he plodded towards the cliff, he knew it was useless.

I can’t take it back. I can’t fix any of it.

They’re right to hate me.

Ciara was right to be afraid.

I almost hurt her… I was going to.

Zelda’s face flashed before him once more, and he stumbled to his knees. The creature rolled over on the ground, matting its hair with dirt and leaves.

Cursing under his breath, he glared at the monster with mounting hatred. He just wanted it gone, and out of his sight. He didn’t want to touch it ever again.

In the distance, he could hear the river. Almost there. So very close now.

Link dug his fists into the mass of thick, foul-smelling fur. With a pained moan he lifted it up, hunched over and settled the beast against his back, ready to walk the last mile.

He knew it would hurt her. But this would be the last time. She deserved better than this.

Better than me.

Under the starlight, Link caught sight of the cliff’s edge, just beyond the trees. The river roared below him, and he stopped on the ledge. He tilted his shoulders and collapsed to the ground, letting the wolfos fall down beside him in a bloody, mangled heap.

The last death at his hands.

His mind flashed to Marth, and what he had almost done.

Link shut his eyes, and felt the wind across his face.

No more innocent blood.

He could still remember the first time.

Never again.

Link leaned down and heaved the dead beast up into his arms. With a grunt and one last push, he sent it tumbling over the edge. The corpse plummeted weightlessly through the air, its limbs flapping in the breeze as it plunged to the depths below.

The splash carried to Link’s ears as the body of the monster disappeared beneath the water, never to resurface.

Long after it had vanished Link stood on the edge, staring down at the rushing currents.

No one would know. She would never find out.

He would just be gone.

Then she could find a way to be happy again.

Link swayed on his weary legs, and let himself fall to his knees. His eyes never left the river. He could hear the water calling to him in its strange, familiar voice. The siren song of death rose up on the wind, beckoning him once more. From far below, the river seemed to swell, growing closer every second.

He remembered how it felt, to float weightlessly in the water. This time, he wouldn’t fight it. He had nothing to fight for. The watery arms clawed at the side of the cliff, reaching up for him. They would drag him down into the darkness, where it wouldn’t hurt anymore.

It seemed so simple now, after everything he’d been through. That it could all be over, just like that. Inches away. Just over the ledge.

Hours passed in silence, staring, waiting, and thinking.

They’ll be better off. They already are. Just let go. Let her go.

She’s already gone.

Do something right, for once.

It’s already too late.

Years of hidden pain had built up to this moment. He’d tried to hide it, and not let anyone see. Especially not Zelda. He’d had to keep her distant. If she knew he’d ever felt this way… It would have only hurt her more.

He’d pushed them all away. Years of withdrawing, and never letting anyone get too close. Because he knew. He’d known for a long time. The happiness he’d found in between the years of loneliness and heartache, they were only borrowed time. But they were never really his to keep. He knew it had to run out.

The wind picked up, and the call of the river whistled in his ears. The water sang to him, summoning him to its depths. The voices echoed all around him, no longer threatening, but peaceful now, and calm.

With a trembling hand, he reached into his pocket, and withdrew his ocarina.

The sleek, blue surface shimmered under the moonlight. Just like the first time he had seen it, glistening in the water at the bottom of Zelda’s moat. She had thrown it to him, in a last desperate plea for his help.

The Ocarina of Time, the symbol of his title. The first gift she’d ever given him. She had trusted him and given him a purpose.

Now it sat, cold, dead and silent in his hands. The last reminder of who he used to be.

But I’m not anymore. I’m nothing… no one.

His fingers twitched, and he contemplated letting it loose. Let it fall into the water, just like the first time.

They wouldn’t be parted for long. He would go in after it. Just like the first time…

The water lapped at his feet, still whispering in his ear.

Let it go.

His fingers tightened, and his hand slowly raised the ocarina to his lips. The first, tremulous note cut through him to the depths of his soul, drowning out all other sound. Zelda’s lullaby echoed across the canyon, fading on the wind. He played it through, letting every memory of her wash over him. Only memories now.

Link could remember the last time he had played it for her. When they had been happy. After she had told him about the baby.

He’d dreamed of playing this song for their child, someday. Just like Zelda’s mother had played it for her.

But his son would never hear this song from his lips, never know the sound of his voice, or the strength of his arms. It hurt worse than anything else. Link would never see him smile, never see him grow. Never hear his laugh. His son would never know how much his father loved him.

Just like me.

Link strained to sustain a note of the song, but his breath strangled off. The music died down, and vanished into nothing.

He couldn’t finish it.

Silence now, throbbing in his ears. No sound from the river, no music on the wind.

Link choked back a sob, but his tears rained down onto the small instrument in his hands. He reached down to wipe them away, and his eye caught the small, golden symbol on the mouthpiece.

The Triforce.

Shaking violently, Link ran his finger over the insignia.

Courage.

Chosen by the goddesses, destined to be a hero.

For the first time in his life, he wondered if they were listening. If they still cared.

The blank, dull space on the back of his hand glared up at him.

Forsaken, and left alone.

They had cared once. They had called on him, and he had tried to fulfill his duty. But they didn’t need him anymore. No one did.

Help…

Link held on to the ocarina, clutching the Triforce beneath his quivering hands.

The river opened up before him, flowing by like the stream of time, waiting to carry him away. He had only to make his choice.

“Help me.”





*****





As the moon passed its zenith and began its slow descent through the sky, Elice could feel that her watch was nearly over. She made another pass around the camp, slowly patrolling the border for any sign of intrusion. But the night had been quiet so far, leaving Elice alone – almost alone.

When Elice had started her watch nearly three hours earlier, she had tried to convince Zelda to join Ciara in her tent and get some sleep, but she had flatly refused. Hour after hour, she sat beside the trees, waiting. Try as she might, Elice found it impossible to ignore her. If she didn’t know any better, she would swear Zelda was doing it just to annoy her. But Elice knew her better than that.

She really believes it, Elice thought, and a twinge of pity mingled with her stubborn irritation. She really thinks he’s coming back.

Elice looked away, and tried to reassure herself once more that she had been right. Link had gone too far. He had to be stopped. She could understand that Zelda was upset, but eventually she would have to see reason. Someday, Zelda would have to understand that Elice had done it for her good as much as anyone else’s.

Link wasn’t coming back. He couldn’t come back.

Zelda had to see that.

Elice sighed and passed behind the tents. Even though she could no longer see Zelda, her agitation remained.

In less than a week, they would be moving on. They had to move on. The idea of leaving Zelda alone out here to wait for Link’s return was out of the question. Elice did not know what to do, because, in her heart, she knew Zelda would never give up.

She couldn’t help but think that if she had not forced Link out, maybe they could have solved things some better way – some way that didn’t involve leaving Zelda alone in the wilderness.

She’ll die out here waiting for him.… The dreaded thought crept back up into Elice’s mind. If anything happens to her, it will be my fault.

At the moment she had raised her weapon on Link, there had been no question in her mind. She had not had time to think or doubt herself. But now, she shuddered to think of what had almost happened. She had come so dangerously close to doing it. If Link had made one more move, protested one more time –

I would have killed him.

The admission put a painful lump in her throat and her stomach sank. In the heat of the moment, in the throes of desperation, she wouldn’t have thought twice. But the thought of it now made her sick.

No. she quickly assured herself. No, I did the right thing. I know I did. He was going to kill my brother. I had to make him go.

But Link had been her friend too. And still, she couldn’t understand. She had thought she knew him. He was Link: gentle, quiet, caring. He would do anything for anyone. He’d saved her life once. Link was not a monster – not a murderer.

He’s my friend.

Along the way, something had gone terribly wrong. Something must have happened to him. She knew what Link had thought, but even then – even then - it could not explain this. Elice had seen the crazed look of rage in his eyes as he had attacked her brother. He wasn’t Link anymore – not the boy she’d known and cared for, the friend she’d had since she was fifteen.

Something had happened to him. Something terrible.

And now he was gone. Because of her.

Despite herself, she felt horrible about had happened. He could be anywhere by now.

But this was Link’s choice. It’s his fault. I had to…

Her reassurances did little to ease her guilt, as she made her final pass for the night. The longer she walked, the more upset she grew. And still Zelda sat, waiting.

Elice sighed heavily, and made her way back to Zelda’s side.

“I’m off for the night,” Elice said.

“All right,” Zelda replied rather coolly, without looking up.

“Ciara has the next watch,” Elice hinted. “You can still get some rest before your shift.”

Then she stood in silence, watching her friend. Zelda shifted her chin to rest it on her knees but kept her eyes focused on the trees. Link’s forgotten sword lay clutched in her hands, and she ran her fingers absentmindedly along the hilt.

“Are you going to stay up again?” Elice asked, already knowing the answer.

“Yes.”

Elice sighed again, feeling the pit in her stomach open wider and more painfully.

“Take this, at least.” Elice swung her quiver from her back, and extended it to Zelda.

“I don’t need it.” Zelda’s eyes narrowed almost imperceptibly. She clutched Link’s sword tighter, but she didn’t look up.

Elice hesitated, but placed her bow and arrows on the ground at Zelda’s side.

“I won’t bother Ciara, then. If you feel like getting some sleep, you can wake me,” she offered quietly, then she trudged back to her tent, leaving Zelda alone.

Zelda exhaled deeply, then drew in a calming breath.

Just a little longer, and he would come back.

She had to believe that – believe in him.

Now and then, she still felt a painful tremor through her body when she thought about what had happened two nights ago. She would never forget the sight she had stumbled upon when she crossed into the clearing. What Link had done…

What I made him do.

The look of pain in Link’s eyes would be forever ingrained in her memory. She felt sick with herself all over again, knowing that she had hurt him badly enough to turn him into the incensed creature who had ripped Marth to shreds. Even when he had done nothing wrong. Even though, this time, Marth was completely innocent.

If Link had killed him…

But it wasn’t his fault. I did this. I betrayed him. I broke his heart, and turned him into a monster.

Zelda shivered and drew her knees in closer.

That’s all I’ve ever done… fed his beast. Given him reason to fight and kill, and hurt… And then I hurt him. I drove him away. Just like I always have…

Two days without him, and she could still feel the gaping hole his absence left within her. She gazed down at his sword, still clutched in her hands. Zelda had found it the night Link left, lying abandoned in the dirt. Knowing he had left it behind worried her, strangely, beyond anything else. Link would never lose his sword. She could barely believe her eyes when she saw it left behind, and she hardly dared touch it. It seemed almost wrong to disturb it from the place he had laid it down.

But the blood on the tip of the blade screamed out to her. She couldn’t stand the sight of Marth’s blood, dripping from Link’s sword.

While the others slept, she had collected the sword, and slipped out of camp. At a nearby stream she had washed the blade, erasing all traces of blood. When he came back for it, she would have it ready for him. His sword would be waiting with her.

Zelda looked down at his blade, and wondered how long it would be before he returned. She had thought - she had hoped – he would have come back by now.

For the first time, she felt a twinge of panic.

What if… what if he doesn’t – She pushed the mutinous thought from her mind before she had a chance to fully think it.

Zelda could not bring herself to doubt him now. She had waited longer than this before. Days, weeks, years. If he left her to sit here forever, she wouldn’t blame him. If this was her punishment for what she had done, she would take it.

I deserve it.

Gradually, she shut off her own thoughts and turned her mind outwards, searching for him. She had not felt a single trace of him since the moment he had ordered her to stay away, then disconnected from her.

Even she didn’t have the power to block him out so completely, or so effortlessly. He’d always told her it was harder for him to hear her, but that could not be true. Link had more control than she did. Maybe he simply never wanted to be that close to her. He didn’t want to be that open, so he had kept her out, all along. And he had been so good that she didn’t even notice.

Zelda shifted lethargically, keeping her eyes fixed on the woods. She felt more exhausted than she could ever remember feeling in her life, though it seemed to be a familiar feeling from long ago. She had not felt anything like this for years, not since the day she had married him. Not since the last time they had been apart.

She had grown used to it once – the way it felt to live without him. But even in the darkest times, she could not remember ever feeling this empty. Her weariness went far beyond her body, as though her soul itself was slowly giving out and fading away inside of her.

Already, living without him had taken its toll, far beyond what it ever had before.

Zelda had spent hours pondering it, trying to come to a conclusion about why she had suddenly lost her ability to teleport. She knew this was the only explanation. The same hollow feeling she connected with his absence had spread throughout her, eclipsing her magic.

She had always known she could never really live without him, but she had never pieced it together this conclusively. The bond she had forged with Link went far beyond their minds. Even breathing felt more difficult without him near. It took more effort to keep her heart beating. Every moment was a constant struggle just to hold herself together. Her body couldn’t handle the strain of anything beyond that.

Link had never been this far from her before; mind, body and soul. He had never left her this completely. When he had broken their connection, he had taken everything with him.

She wrapped her arms around her stomach, thinking of their child. Amidst her fear, it brought her comfort just knowing she still had a part of him here, inside of her.

The hours passed by in silence, and Zelda didn’t move once. She had no need. Every one of her senses remained keenly honed on the forest around her, waiting for any sign of life.

Zelda felt a tremor, and she raised her head. She sat, utterly still, as it drew closer. Without a moment’s hesitation, she got to her feet. Elice’s bow lay forsaken on the ground, and Zelda held Link’s sword pressed against her heart as she searched the trees. She could hear him now – the crunching of leaves beneath heavy boots as he pushed through the brush.

Zelda held her breath, and Link appeared in the clearing. She met his eyes, barely recognizing the broken, weary face that looked back at her. Her heart burst painfully as she looked at him, covered in dirt and blood from head to toe, staggering on his feet as though he could barely walk.

“Link.” She breathed in deeply, and fully, for the first time in days.

“Zelda?” Slowly, he reached out his hand, watching her warily.

Zelda stared back, and her heart clenched with fear. Something had attacked him. He was hurt, he was bleeding.

She met his bloodshot eyes, riddled with pain, and she couldn’t hold herself back. He needed her.

Zelda dropped his sword to the ground and rushed forward. Link caught her in his arms. She looked into his eyes, and though he hesitated briefly, he could not fight it any longer. Link leaned in and kissed her deeply.

In his embrace, she could feel his waning strength, and the depth of his affliction. His lips moved against hers with desperation and fright, and the longer they stood locked together the more she realized that she was holding him. Without her support, he felt ready to collapse. She couldn’t dwell on her own guilt, not when he needed her so.

Link pulled her closer, and his tremulous breath danced on her lips. His kiss filled her from within, as though he’d never left. Just like always.

His arms tensed around her, and she kissed him back.

Link tore his lips away from hers.

Zelda froze with shock as a wave of cold swept over her body. Link pushed her away, and jerked back. He stared at her in horror. The hurt shone clearly in her eyes as he backed away, but he had no choice.

Link looked down at himself for the first time. His battered tunic still bore signs of his violence. The dark red stains of Marth’s blood shone clearly in the moonlight. He knew could not touch her.

Zelda felt him slipping from her fingers, and she didn’t fight it. She simply looked at him, and waited in silence.

Link looked from her, back to his hands, and his face twisted in misery.

“You waited?” he panted softly.

Zelda looked back at him, trying to calm her heartbeat.

“Always.”

“Zelda – ” Link cursed under his breath. “Why?”

He turned on the spot, pacing in frustration.

“Why did you wait for me?” he demanded. “Why didn’t you leave me?”

Tears welled in her eyes, and she stared up at him, unable to answer. But Link needed that flash of anger; he clung to it in desperation. It was his only escape from the clutches of despair.

“You should have left me!” He turned to her sharply. “You should make me crawl back on my hands and knees, begging for you to forgive me.”

“No,” she whispered.

“You shouldn’t be here.” His voice lowered, and the creases in his brow shifted, leaving behind nothing but sorrow. “What if I hadn’t come back?” Link’s voice broke.

Zelda’s heart leapt with panic. Something in the tone of his voice, and the hopelessness in his eyes terrified her. He looked at her, and something flashed inside of her – something so painful she couldn’t breathe. Then Link lowered his eyes.

Zelda took a shuddering breath.

“I’d still be waiting,” she said.

“Stop,” he begged, still unable to look at her. “You can’t do this. You can’t look at me like that…” he choked on a sob, and tears welled in his eyes. “How can you still look at me like that?”

“I’ll always look at you like this.”

“You shouldn’t.”

Link paused, and Zelda waited anxiously.

“He’s a better man than me.” His voice lowered. “He’s the better man for you.”

Zelda’s throat tightened, cutting off her speech. She tried to open her mouth, but nothing would come out.

“He’d never hurt you the way I do. He wouldn’t hurt anyone the way I do.” Link looked away from her again, straining to keep himself together. “If you want to go with him… I won’t stop you.”

Zelda’s breath caught with horror.

“I’ve always known you made the wrong choice. I couldn’t expect you not to see it too. Especially now, after what I’ve done.

“He can give you what you deserve. If you – ”

Zelda reached out, and gently took his hand. She could hear his sharp intake of breath, and he backed away.

For a moment she stopped, but she brushed aside her own hurt feelings. He needed her to be strong.

“Link.” She spoke calmly, looking into his eyes. “I don’t love him.”

Link stared at her, breathing heavily. His eyes darted from ground, and back to her face. He swallowed with difficulty, and finally managed to speak.

“But you did.” He felt his heart crumble, just saying it.

Zelda’s eyes never left his.

“I never had a chance to let go before,” she explained. “But I have now, and it’s gone.”

Link took another step back, retreating from her. Zelda stood still as he backed away, only stopping when he hit a tree. He pressed his back against the bark and slid to the ground. His head fell into his hands, and he cried, more openly than she had ever seen him in his life.

She moved hesitantly, waiting for his response, but he didn’t look up. Zelda stopped beside him. Slowly, tenderly, she crawled into his lap, weaving her way between his arms and his body.

Link’s head sank onto her shoulder, and his arms tightened around her. Zelda held him, and let him cry. She couldn’t let him see how much it scared her, to see him this way.

She stroked his arm, and his face, and laid her head against his, not speaking a word until his tears stopped. Eventually, he fell quiet, and shut his eyes. Zelda leaned against him. She pressed her cheek to his heart and sighed.

The sky gradually lightened around them, and the fragile peace in Link’s heart began to fade. The others would be awake soon. They couldn’t find him here, like this. He shifted beneath her and winced as he moved his elbow.

“Link.” Zelda lifted her head and looked immediately at his arm. “You’re hurt.”

Link didn’t answer, but something in his expression fell.

Remaining silent as well, Zelda wrapped her hands around his and drew him to his feet.

She led him out of camp, beneath the pale light of dawn. Before long they reached a small, flowing stream, and Zelda sat him down beside it.

Without a word, she drew close beside him. Her stomach lurched nervously even as she reached out to touch him. Her fingers quivered as she unhooked his belt buckle and pulled it from his waist. She removed his tunic, and he still would not look at her as she carefully slid off his shirt.

The sight still took her breath away, and she could feel her heart hammering. Heat rose off of his skin, setting her on fire. Her fingers twitched. She wanted to touch him again, to show him how much she loved him. But it felt so different now. He was no longer hers, until he wanted her back. With great effort, she pulled herself away.

Zelda knelt beside the stream, and dipped his tunic beneath the surface. The water rushed over it, carrying away a stream of filth and blood. A tingle rippled from her fingers up through every inch of her body. She looked from Link’s tunic back up to him.

She rose from the ground, and returned to his side. Using a damp cloth, she slowly, gently, began washing his skin. She cleaned the wound, and moved down his arms, all the way down to his hands. Her small, delicate hands cradled his with care, scrubbing the dried blood from between each finger.

Once clean, she soothed and wrapped the long, open wound along his elbow. She tied it securely, and smoothed it against his skin. Link watched her closely as she moved back to the stream. Zelda rinsed the cloth, and sat back down beside him.

Zelda hesitated only a moment before she pressed the wet cloth to his chest, and tenderly rubbed his skin. Even his muscles quivered beneath her touch. She glanced up, and met his eyes. A long breath escaped her lips, and she could feel the heat rising to her face. Then he dropped his gaze.

Link fought the urge to cringe away from her, and he couldn’t bring himself to look up into her eyes again. He sat before her, exposed, vulnerable – and terrified. More afraid than he had been the very first time she had seen him, and touched him. Even now, he could feel her trembling beside him, matching his own helpless shaking.

Another rinse of cold, clean water, and she drew close once more. Link closed his eyes, breathing deeply as Zelda washed his face. She moved across his brow, then along his nose, soothing the raw, scratched skin along his jaw. Her fingers touched his chin, drawing his eyes up to meet hers. She leaned in, close enough for her breath to tingle against his lips.

In a moment of weakness, he could no longer hold it in.

Zelda’s eyes flashed and in a moment, she saw it all. His discarded weapons, the desperate search for a monster, the dead wolfos slung across his back, his struggle through the trees. Link, sitting on the ledge, looking down over the river.

She stared into his eyes, and Link could see his own pain there, as she relived it. He couldn’t look any longer. He turned away in shame.

Her fingers tightened around the cloth as she stared at her husband in anguish.

“Oh, Link…”

Link couldn’t bring himself to look at her. She watched as he bowed his head and his shoulders crumpled.

Link gave a shuddering breath and strained away, but she leaned in closer. She placed her fingers against his cheeks, and drew his head up.

He was still so close, so dangerously close to the edge. She could see it there, in his eyes. One wrong move, one wrong word, and she could break him completely. For a moment, panic threatened to consume her. She could not spend one more second denying what he had done, and what, in the depths of his soul, he was still contemplating.

Zelda forced her breathing to even out, and calmed the thunderous beat of her heart. She couldn’t hide from it any longer, not now, when Link needed her like this.

“You’re hurting.” She pressed her palm to his cheek.

His eyebrows quivered, but he didn’t look away.

She could not keep her voice from shaking, ever so slightly.

“Because of me.”

Link closed his eyes and spoke, so softly she could barely hear him.

“Because of everything.”

She could still feel every bit of pain within him, throbbing just below the surface. He was still so perilously close to despair that it left her quaking inside.

“Link.” Zelda slid her arms around him and he buried his face her neck.

His shoulders shook, and he heaved with a sob. She pulled him closer, caressing his cheek with her hand.

“I love you.” She held him as he cried, her own tears mingling with his.

The stream trickled by beside them, as they held each other tightly. Now and then she would brush through his hair, or press her cheek to his brow. Gradually, he quieted, but she did not let him go.

“I almost did it.” Link broke the silence for the first time over an hour.

Zelda cuddled closer, not daring to speak.

“But I couldn’t,” he went on shakily. “Because…”

Link reached out his hand towards her stomach. The familiar, tender look crossed his face, but he stopped short. His fingers curled away, and he withdrew his hand.

“I couldn’t hurt you again,” he whispered close to her ear.

Her shoulders shook, and he pulled her closer. She closed her burning eyes and let her tears fall quietly down her cheeks. Link rocked her gently, and she snuggled against him.

They let the minutes pass by, holding on to each other, until he spoke again.

“Zelda, we can’t stay here.”

Zelda lifted her head and slowly released her grasp.

“We?” she asked with an almost nonexistent note of hope in her voice.

“If you still want me.”

“Always.”

Link searched her eyes, finding solace in the strength he found there.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“I’ve done everything wrong, Zelda, by you most of all. Of all the people I’ve hurt… if you can forgive me,” his voice tightened with emotion, “then maybe there’s still a chance…”

Link gently shifted Zelda on his lap and lifted her to her feet.

“You don’t have to come,” he said, looking into her eyes.

“I’ll follow you wherever you go.” Zelda slipped her hand in his, interlocking their fingers. “I’m not leaving you.”

Link squeezed her hand, and she squeezed back. A rush of courage ran through his veins.

“I know what I have to do.” A familiar hint of strength and resolve echoed in his voice.

“I’m not running anymore.”





*****